The Happiness Project - Book Excerpts & Review

The Happiness Project

Gretchen Rubin

The Main Ideas of the Book

Look for happiness and find it – in all facets of life. Aristotle declared that happiness was the chief good in life –it’s the sense and purpose of the entire human existence.

Gretchen Rubin came to the realization: happiness has many facets. We know when we’re happy and there are ways to enhance happiness. With that in mind, she launched her happiness project. Over the course of one year, she dedicated each month to a different area of life in which she tried to boost the level of her happiness.

She saw a particularly high potential for boosting happiness in the following areas of life:

• Social relationships (partners, children, friends),

• Structuring time (work, play, hobbies),

• Prospects/point of view/perspective (basic attitude, contemplation of eternity),

• Money and vitality.

She experienced many interesting things about herself along the way. Rubin found out, it’s usually our own wrongdoing that makes us unhappy.

On the road to happiness: make good resolutions and take small steps.

People are better suited to work towards concrete goals than abstract things. They served as universal principles to be followed in each of the phases of the life. Rubin set goals for herself and did everything to achieve them, realizing that the small steps and moments of happiness were what really helped her achieve the desired change.

Release your vital energy: be active and get rid of energy guzzlers.

Energy and vitality are fundamental factors in self-satisfaction. Feeling physically and mentally fit is enough to make us happy. That’s why “more energy” was the top priority of Rubin’s happiness project.

What generates energy?

Enough sleep, a balanced diet and physical activity. Lack of sleep weakens our immune systems and memories and slows down our metabolism. Outdoor activities, on contrary, raise our energy level and help us improve our thinking.

And what eats up energy?

Rubin discovered that, for her, a big part of her energy was sucked up by junk that had been sitting around waiting for her to sort it out. A study claims that sorting out unnecessary things on a regular basis saves up to 40% of housework.

It’s just as important to get rid of mental weight. Unfinished tasks when put off for a long time can end up haunting us, making us feel unsatisfied and robbing us of our energy.

Sorting things out is extraordinarily satisfying because disorderly clutter – whether literal or figurative – always wears us down.

For a harmonious relationship, work on yourself: it will prevent negative experiences.

Rubin based this part of her project on her marital happiness with two basic insights into relationships: Number one: You can’t change your partner; you can only work on yourself. And number two: What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while. She therefore made an effort to keep bad habits and sources of unnecessary arguments to herself within a controlled framework.

According to studies, it takes at least five positive actions to offset a negative action in a relationship. With that in mind, we should try to reduce the negative ones to make room for positive experiences in our relationships. In order to do so, we should learn to “fight right,” i.e., to not let ourselves be carried away by the mistakes the other is making.

Happiness rubs off on others: if our children have fun, so do we.

Rubin considers children a kind of happiness that we don’t see in a specific moment, but in the long term.  Rubin had two resolutions: to control emotional outbursts directed at her children and to refrain from scolding them.

Getting along better with her children helped her drop a lot of stress in her everyday life. Shared joy is joy doubled: making time for friends brings fun into the stress of everyday life.

Friendship is an essential part of a happy life: good friends we can trust and talk to and have fun with help us to get through our stressful everyday life. We often end up feeling that we don’t have enough time for our friends, which makes us feel guilty and angry. It is thus, important to deliberately make time for our social life.

With the right job, new challenges and growth make us feel happy about our work.

Happiness and work are linked in our society. When we work, we maintain social ties and feel valued. It is also a great source of self-confidence and recognition. Tackling challenges and engaging in new things are important for our happiness. Challenges positively stimulate our brains and dealing with new situations brings unexpected satisfaction.

As a general rule, if we want to feel happy in our work, we shouldn’t just aim for the final goal. It’s the little moments of success that make us happiest.

Do more activities you truly enjoy in your leisure time.

One big happiness factor is having free time full of fun and relaxation. “Fun” is different to everybody. And many people have a guilty conscience because they consider other people’s hobbies better than their own.

Having lots of new things to do also makes us happy, so it makes sense to seek out some new hobbies. You can’t buy happiness – but you can buy worthwhile things that make you happy.

Money

Money can’t buy happiness, but the subject isn’t closed so simply. Because money is like health: it’s not a guarantee of happiness, but not having to worry about it makes our lives a whole lot easier.

Money can help us to be happier if we spend it wisely. Initially, a sufficient amount of money is an important happiness factor for many people who strive for financial security.

The satisfaction of a buy may be short-lived, but it’s real, and always involves a positive feeling of growth. However, if we buy too much just for the thrill of it, the practice becomes ineffective and can potentially lead to new collections of redundant stuff.

Spiritual support: become aware of happiness in the here and now.

If we believe studies on the subject, spiritual people are happier and healthier, can handle stress better and live longer. The awareness of only having one finite life lets us perceive more intensely the happiness of every moment of that life.

Combat negative feelings with mindfulness and by expanding your consciousness.

Dalai Lama’s book, The Art of Happiness introduced Rubin to the key concept of mindfulness. The idea behind it is to pay more attention to all things in the present instead of being constantly plagued by the past or obsessed with the future.

Ruchika Verma

You can purchase this wonderful book from Amazon