Resilience
Eric Greitens
Book Summary & Review
Main Ideas of the Book
Pain and suffering is necessary for happiness and
greatness. Hardship is a part of life, but only by facing up to it and learning
to tackle all its challenges will help us achieve our full potential. And it is
only possible with resilience. Author Eric Greitens, with fellow Navy SEAL
veteran Zach, tries to find the qualities, practices and training needed to
become resilient.
You need resilience to courageously overcome life’s
challenges. Unfortunately, many of us fail to access all our energy,
intelligence and compassion because we get bogged down in disappointment and
failure. We can learn to overcome hardship by harnessing the power of resilience.
We can’t escape pain, fear or doubts but we can refuse to let them bring us
down. We just need to see them in the right light.
The goal isn’t to bounce back from a hardship, but
rather to move through it. Anything worth having is worth struggling for. We
all want fulfilling work and happy relationships. But it’s easier to want them
than to get them. But what’s worth struggling for? Well, it comes down to
having a purpose. We can’t found it casually; we have to find purpose by trying
new things and taking actions.
But remember, challenges won’t hurt you – in fact,
we crave them! Consider the research done by Mihaly Cziksztentmihalyi,
professor of management and psychology at Claremont Graduate University. Cziksztentmihalyi
showed that the best moments of our lives are rather active and not relaxing. During
this joyful state, called flow, we lose ourselves completely in whatever we’re
doing.
The flow arises mostly during moments of difficulty. Meaning, if we’re not being challenged, our minds deteriorate. In other words, the goal of life isn’t to avoid struggle, but rather to choose meaningful challenges. Because although we can survive without meaningful work, we can’t flourish.
To summon resilience, start by taking
responsibility for your own actions. We’ve all been through dark, painful
periods full of relentless struggle. But how do we summon resilience and move
forward during these moments?
Start by looking in the mirror. Resilience
ultimately, is about taking responsibility for our actions. It’s being able to
accept what we cannot change so that we can direct our focus to things we can control.
Although we’re not responsible for everything that
happens to us, we are responsible for how we deal with it. While visiting a
refugee camp, author saw while some veterans were beaten down by misery, others
stood proud; instead of mourning, the resilient ones taught children, organized
sports games and more.
The author saw that even at their most powerless,
some people found an inevitable inner strength within. On the other hand,
history shows that there are terrible consequences for refusing to take
responsibility for your actions.
The philosopher Eric Hoffer, studied mass movements
and fanaticism. When trying to understand why people would voluntarily comply with
tyranny, Hoffer encountered a young German who explained that he joined the
Nazi party to be “free from freedom.” For that young man and many others,
passing off the heavy burden of responsibility might seem attractive. But that
impulse has caused some of the most notorious acts of tyranny the world has
ever seen.
Repetition allows us to form positive habits that
help us reach our goals. We often don’t realize that but good habits and strong
character dare diligently built through practice and repetition. Every time we
battle our fears, we become more courageous. And repetition ultimately builds
resilience, which we can use to overcome hard times.
In fact, the Ancient Greeks believed that
repetition was critical for forming human behavior. They were also aware that
in order to develop a strong character and spirit, we have to train both our
mind and body.
So, if we want to evolve in a different direction,
we have to start by changing our habits. If we want to become a kind person, we
have to get in the habit of being kind daily.
That’s the thing about kindness – it’s a habit
anyone can cultivate. It’s a matter of treating our inner kindness as a source
of strength, even if we encounter someone who makes us angry or stressed. Instead
of raising voice and getting upset, just stay calm, kind and compassionate.
Chances are, the other person will start acting kindly as well.
Unfortunately, this principle applies to our
negative habits too. If we’re mean every day, we become mean too. Hard times
make it easier for us to submit to bad habits.
Deal with your pain by finding meaningful
challenges. Sometimes pushing yourself by studying hard or training ferociously
is painful. However unpleasant such pain may be, it’s easier to bear, because
we’ve sought it out, and, of course, it’s ultimately constructive..
Through his years of work with devastated veterans,
the author encountered some veterans who tried to numb their pain with alcohol,
television or reclusiveness. But the best way to ease the pain of veterans is
to challenge them.
We can’t live a full life without purposeful work
and strong social bonds. Living without purpose is painful for everybody. To
overcome this pain, we have to find something meaningful. People need to serve
a purpose higher than themselves, especially when things are hard. In other
words, outer surface leads to inner growth.
Resilience is about learning to accept failure. The
case for every challenge is, at first, you fall. Failure is just the reality
and high-achievers have found out how to live with it. In fact, those who fail excel
more often than those who don’t; these people learn to accept failure as part
of the improvement process.
Many of us fear failure, so accepting it is easier
said than done. Many people after tasting success, couldn’t deal with the
prospect of losing. Nevertheless, it’s possible to overcome the fear of failure
at any age. And if you can do that, you’ll be able to try new things, have
adventures and grow.
The author in this book demonstrates how we can
build purpose, confront the pain in our lives, practice compassion, develop our
vocations and create happiness, The lessons are deep, yet practical, and the
advice leads to clear solutions. This is a profoundly hopeful book: We all face
pain, difficulty, and doubt. But with resilience, we can lead vital,
flourishing lives.
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